The way I became a Sikh this life, at the ripe age of 18 (1973), is that after the "USA 60s Rebellion" lots of Swamis and Yogis and Babas arrived in Canada and the USA from India and many idealist and frightened young social activists like me (Hippies) joined cults. The early 70s in the USA are infamous for this Hindu invasion, and weirdly enough, several of these cults claimed to be Sikh in some basic doctrine or other.

In my cult we all felt ourselves to be completely Sikhs. I took Amrit in 1975 and in that ceremony, within that cult, extra vows got added. For instance, I vowed to do Kundalini Yoga everyday and I vowed to always be a vegetarian this life (no meat, fish or eggs) and to wear all white and a turban at all times (blue and gold were marginally acceptable colors too but not as cult-kosher as white).

Finding out that you joined a cult this life, when you thought you were being a good Sikh, is no fun. Discovering that you have been practicing Hinduism, gazing into the blazing eyes of your teacher with devotional surrender, sitting before your teacher's picture on your home altar, breathing like a steam engine on crack, is humiliating in hindsight. Practicing being so grateful to your teacher for bringing you the teachings of the Sikh Gurus, not knowing that your teacher is conveniently leaving out some of Sikhi's strongest teachings and religious stands, not knowing that he is making up a bunch of extra strange dogmas, and falling for it for 20 years is crazy-making.

Of course, it was much worse than that. The cults and infamous cult leaders of the 70s (and their inner circles) have pretty universally gotten into lots of legal troubles in the West. Sexual misconduct, drugs and arms trafficking, illegal businesses, fraud and tax evasion seem to be standard cult practices - and then there are the murders and suicides too.

But then again, this is how I came to be a Sikh this life and I am grateful.

Yes, ironically, and thankfully, the Siri Guru Granth Sahib was installed in our "Sikh Ashrams" and through reading from the Guru I slowly, very slowly, DID come to understand more and more about Sikhi as distinct from Kundalini Yoga and Goopy Gopi-hood.

This process has been accelerated in recent times by the GRACE of discovering the Sikh Cyber Sangat! For the first time in my life I have been receiving an education about Sikhi from true Sikhs and it has all happened on-line! I am very grateful!

Mind you, writing about Sikhi on-line isn't always comfortable for me. The first time I waltzed into an on-line Sikh forum, it felt just like I was the lone woman invader of a very uptight Men's Club. And beyond being female, I am not Punjabi and I have a big mouth. I come from a long line of feminist women and I am married to a non-Sikh feminist scholar, musician/composer. I am Irish. I am a redhead. I am a Theater Director and a writer. And when I need to make more money than being an Artist supplies, I work as a Publicist or the like.

So this life I am a Sikh, yet I am a foreigner within my own religion.

Some of my Western friends tease me, calling me: "The Carrie Nation of the Sikhs!" Carrie Nation was a famous USA lady who lived a hundred years ago who got sick and tired of living around men who were escaping into alcohol abuse. So she started going into the all male taverns with her axe and chopping everything up (the furniture mostly, not the men).

Now being called Carrie Nation is no compliment because she was not in the least a pretty woman and she was loco beyond that! I am vain enough to prefer to be thought the "Gloria Steinam of the Sikhs" but it really isn't any of my business what role I play. Who knows what the "waheguru" has in mind for me or for thee? Seems like my life just gets stranger and stranger as it goes along and that being a Sikh has a lot to do with that. I don't fit in within my own culture because I am a Sikh nor do I fit into Sikh culture because I was born in the USA!

But I understand theater enough to know that we all have roles to play; and yet we are, in truth, distinct individuals as well, beyond the roles we play in life. It is all up to the "waheguru" that I am a Sikh this life and, so far, it hasn't been EASY or comfortable.

No, actually being a Sikh has been much much BETTER than "easy" ever could be. In spite of all the very hard times, the betrayals and confusion, GOD's Will is sweet, and very mysterious. I am here to say that being a Sikh this life is it's own reward.

Kamalla Rose Kaur is USA born, of Irish descent, and embraced Sikhism in 1972, at age 18. She tried everything for over twenty years, including frantic practice of Yoga, until she learned "why Sikhs are so adament about having the Sri Guru Granth Sahib as their only Guru."

Kamalla Rose is a professional writer, theater director, workshop and seminar leader,
publicist, events planner and singer. Her column appears every Saturday and, starting with this article, every Wednesday as well.

The author welcomes comments and feedback: Love&Light