Conflict resolution is a big area of academic, political, social and practical study these days so I am sure many Sikhs have learned how to facilitate good meetings that actually lead to True Community. Of course, I'd like to remind Sikhs involved in Gurdwara conflicts that it would be a great honor for any good-hearted outside, non-Sikh, world-class mediator to be asked in to help resolve a Sikh Gurdwara conflict. It would be Newsworthy even.

Personally, were I to facilitate the meeting, I would start out with 1/2 hour of group "waheguru" chanting.

Then I would discern who the leaders and speakers in the argument traditionally are and ask of them to agree, as good leaders, to hold prayful silence and just listen, simply listen to the voice of the people, their fellow Sikhs, during the first hours of the meeting. I would give a brief lesson on how to practice deep listening, and I would attempt to get the commitment of everyone in the room to practice deep listening.

As facilitator I would then set up some ground-rules, such as no interrupting when someone is sharing their views, and confidentiality (no talking or gossiping about things learned in the meeting). I would ask to be given the power to play referee, to call breaks and time-outs. I would ask the group for the power to bounce anyone from the meeting who breaks the agreed upon ground rules. I would establish my bouncers.

Having handled the preliminaries, I would begin with the Sikh Grandmothers by asking them to, slowly, explain to me what the conflict is about.

I would repeat back what I am learning so that I can be sure that I am not misunderstanding. Language as well as cultural and conceptual barriers makes this a very important process. I would take my time and talk to the women and the teens and the children and the elders about the conflict first.

I would coach the men in good listening, as needed. Men are often accustomed to being heard first and it can be uncomfortable for them to listen deeply to everyone before speaking out themselves.

Of course the best men have no problem with this exercise. They really are genuinely interested in what the children and teens and elders and young mothers really desire. And of course it is a natural and universal thing for men to wish to please their women so they love listening to the heartfelt true desires of women - right?

I would definitely write down the specific issues and conflicts on a board as I learned them - and after I had a pretty good understanding of the pressures involved, I'd ask the men for their thoughts and feelings as well. Finally I would ask the leaders to share their thoughts and feelings as well.

Having eventually given everyone a chance to speak and having listed the basic conflicts and issues involved in the dispute, I'd then turn to the Sri Guru Granth to receive guidance on how to approach, handle and heal each problem one by one. Breaking into small groups to discuss the Sri Guru's perspective on the various conflicts would follow. Each group would then share their discoveries with the whole meeting and, with any luck, an Action Plan might well emerge by Sri Guru's Grace.